Thoughts

People keep asking me how I’m feeling. I tell them I’m okay, but really how am I supposed to feel? I lost my baby; it’s the most horrible feeling in the world. Last night I had another crying session. Most times I try to hold it together, I try to keep it positive, but when I’m alone all of it just comes flooding back. Over and over again, the questions keep popping into my head. Why? Why me? Why couldn’t I have my daughter? I cry so much and I don’t feel like talking to anyone, because I really don’t want to go into details. It hurts too much. I don’t know why God decided to take my baby; I don’t think I’ll ever really know. All I know is that I have never felt so empty in my life. There are times all I can think of is holding my sweet little baby and realizing that she wasn’t coming home with me. And now I’m worried because what if I can’t give Ty a child? He’s been my rock though through everything. I could not have asked for a better person to go through this with. It just sucks that its another thing he had to go through with everything he has had to go through with his health and all.

I just don’t know what to think or what to say. I’ve been reading about all these people who lost their babies, and I feel so sad. Ty told me not to read any more things about pregnancy but I can’t help it. I try not to think about it, all I can do is leave it in God’s hands and hope for the best. I miss her each and everyday. People tell me that I’m young and that I’ll have more babies, but I don’t want to replace my little girl. Yes I would like to try again, but it’s because I want to have a baby in my arms. I’ll never forget my little Angel. She added so much happiness to my life. Never once did I regret carrying her.